A Healthy New Me

Searching out the new me

2009-01-27T06:05:00.000-08:00

So - it has been a while since I have written in here, and please do not think that I have not been wanting to. I have thought about it, only to have fallen asleep each night before accomplishing what I want to.

Saturday and Sunday I went to Jazzercise and worked out like a crazy person. It was very fun seeing how the different instructors teach very different classes. I am enjoying going, and if I go one more time this week, then I can go purchase a new pair of work out pants for myself. I really have to reward myself for doing well - as this is very difficult for me. Things are tight money wise right now - so I might not buy pants and call my new shoes my gift to me. I need to get some new work out shoes, and there is a New Balance store by my house. I am going to go and check out what they have.

So - on my way to health, I have been thinking about what else I can do to create a healthy place for me, and a good place for me to be healthy. I moved the treadmill into the living room so I can walk on it during tv shows, and rearranged the living room and the dining room to give me something different in there.

I am also under a new insurance with my husband. He has AMAZING insurance, and it covers so many different things. I went for the first time to a Chiropractor yesterday. I was nervous, and didn't know what it was going to be like. He sat and listened to everything that was bothering and hurting me, and was very nice about it. He also talked to me about exercises and nutrition, and how we were going to work together to make some of the pain go away - and I may even have days that my back no longer hurts - but that we would do the best that we can. So great! Before I left, he did an adjustment (cracked my back around) and asked me for my food journal. I just have to get it from my Dr. Not a big deal.

I also went to a podiatrist. I am such an old lady. HA! I went because I wanted them to at least look at my feet and do some xrays. About 10 years ago a fractured a bone in my foot, and every time I walk around on it with new shoes on, it feels like I have re fractured it again for a few days. SO.... he xrayed, it is fine, and then also fit me for some Orthodics. I am glad to be getting them, but will also be ordering some from the Chiropractor as well because his are made differently. I know they are expensive, but I am lucky enough to have my new insurance that covers up to 10k of them each year.... YAY!

sigh.

2009-01-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

So today didnt work out as well as I was hoping it would. I got up and weighed in, and somehow in 3 days gained back my 1.3 lbs. And of course.... I know why it has happened - my snacking is out of control. I need to fix it. Today my hubby and I are going out to dinner... and we are going to be going to Buffalo Wild Wings - of course I am going to get a small portion, but in the meantime, leading up to there - I need to find some healthy way to get myself through this. It is just figuring out how. I might just say screw it and go to weight watchers today - hoping that it will make a difference, but we will see.

Things happen...

2009-01-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

So - the day goes well. I wake up, take care of a few things - and I weigh in. I am down to 180.2 lbs! YAY! Down 0.7 in two or three days, which feels AMAZING. But I think maybe too amazing. I got two fruits and veggies in, so tomorrow I am still going to work for 3 of them - however, I decided to have some cake - ya know, that cake that comes in a bowl, you microwave it to cook it - it was good... but now I have a CRAZY headache and am feeling sick. It is amazing to see what happens with your body when you have stayed away from crazy refined things, even for just a few days! Then, because I already felt like crap - I got Taco Bell. And my face is red... And I think I have a fever..

I did substitute today in a class where one kid puked and two others were absent sick today - I hope that it didnt cause me to feel junky.

By the way - I am a HUGE fan of the small snack packs from Trader Joe's that are organic carrots and buttermilk ranch dressing... YUMMERS!

I dont know what is worse - hell or weigh in day

2009-01-06T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ok,

So yesterday I weighed myself at 180.9 lbs - that is down 1.3 from the last time I weighed in... and I took semi official measurements.

Neck 15

Chest 40.5

Waist 38

Hips 45

I also did my thighs, and they are around 26, and my calves are both around 15 - my biceps are close to the same also - 13.5.

I have been doing good lately. Watching more carefully what I put in my mouth, and the exciting part today was that I actually ate two of my veggies!!! AMAZING! I had a banana and carrots. This may not sound like a big deal, but I dont do fruits and veggies very often, so it is an exciting thing darnit!

I went again to Jazzercise, and am thinking about doing Weight Watchers again... but I really need to try this on my own and try to count it myself, or get an idea by myself before I pay someone 40 bucks a month to tell me my fat ass is too big. lol.

I have been having chocolate, and have been saying no to it as well. I am going to cut it down even more, and try to rock out with 3 fruits and veggies tomorrow. When I weigh in tomorrow morning, we will for sure see where I am at!!!

And strike one for Chocolate!

2009-01-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

I am amazing! A whole day without chocolate! YAY! I did it - I almost gave in a few times too, it was a tough day. My husband came near me after eating some chocolate and tried to kiss me - I TOTALLY freaked out at him about it. Then, I went and brushed my teeth to make sure I wouldn't eat anymore.

My biggest problem is I can't say no to food. I love food. Everything about food is wonderful and makes me happy. And that is the problem. It really isn't making me happy - it is filling some emotional hole that I don't understand. That is something I will write about on another day...

In the meantime, I BEAT THE CHOCOLATE.. Yeah, I know - Big deal fat chick - one day without chocolate. You still had a peppermint candy, and drank some Mt. Dew (it wasn't diet either!) But I am just proud because the chocolate is all over my house, and it isn't fair to my husband to hide it or to just throw it all out.

Some of the ways I did it???? Selected another snack - I had an egg, I had a peppermint candy for sweetness, I made a sweeter dinner - that ROCKED!!!! Stuffed french toast - but it was a Weight Watchers recipe and only 2 points per serving, I had two servings, and it was TOTALLY worth it! Ate some string cheese, worked on taking down Christmas decorations, and just kept myself away from it. There were a few times that I really wanted to pounce, but I didn't!

So tomorrow, as a treat, I am going to reward myself for my accomplishment. I will get to have half of my "bumpy lumpy bar" that I bought today. But, I have to wait until 3pm to have it. I haven't had one before, so if it is good - then yay! If not, then I will learn not to reward myself with food - which is another hurdle that I need to clear. But also - the words bumpy lumpy are not awesome... the treat is telling me exactly what it is going to do to my body. HA! So I wont want to eat too much.

Really - at this point in the game, it is me working on the things that I have trouble saying no to, and the things that I feel that I can't control! I AM TAKING BACK THE CONTROL! WOO HOO!!!

The other day I hurt my foot - it is the same place that I fractured it about 10 years ago, and I am frustrated because I want to make it to Jazzercise tomorrow. I will work on getting there, and in the meantime, I wish everyone who reads this a wonderful night, and send them my non chocolate strength!!!

A day of cleaning and self reflection

2009-01-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

I am a crazy list maker. When I can make a list, I do - because the feeling of scratching something off of it makes me feel so wonderful. I make lists of the lists that I need to make. When I was in college I would write down things that I need to do on my way to class, along with my schedule, and I would cross of things that I did at different times.

Well today I have a big list. We are still cleaning up from new years - we have a HUGE party this year, and 2008/2009 party was no exception. We are also trying to get our lives in order so we can start to follow and step in line with our resolutions. It is currently 11:46 and I have completed 3 things on my list... look for jobs, shower, and create the calendar for this month and the first half of Feb.

At this point - I have not hit up the chocolate - and my main goal for today is to not touch it. The past few days I have been so good, up until noon - in which case I immediately jump for the chocolate sitting on the dining room table that is still left over from the new years party. Yes, I know it shouldn't be there, but I feel that I should at least be able to walk by it on a rare occasion, knowing that it is there, and still not attack it like the clones to Obi Wan... at least, I think that they attacked him...

I am off to grocery shop and get a bunch of fun stuff done, I wish all of you a happy new year - and will write about my chocolate progress this evening!

Good til noon

2009-01-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

Ok - so today is halfway done, and I have already caused some damage... but all I can do is pick myself up and keep movin! I had a good breakfast and some hot water with lemon... and then around noon I realized that I wanted chocolate really really bad, and I had two dove birds and two blueberry muffins (Jiffy). I need to keep moving on, and see what I can do for the rest of the day. I need to get in my fruits and veggies, and be a good girl!

Here is to workin a little harder today!

A New Year... A New Me

2009-01-01T18:05:00.001-08:00

I had left my ways of blogging (not that I had been doing it for too long) because there were too many reasons to count. But the biggest reason, and the reason that I can not ignore was I was not committed.

We had a "saint's and sinner's" party for new years at my house. It was great, but I have to tell you - it was frustrating to see the pictures today. I was little red riding hood, in a dress that I thought was totally hot - but it turns out, I was NOT. I honestly looked like a beached whale. So today - as I look at all of my New Years resolutions (which I like to call my "yearly to do list" instead) it is to keep blogging no matter what. Each year I make this long long list, but I just dont feel it is fair to myself to do that. In many ways, it is setting myself up for failure. So here is my shorter lists of things to do this year:

1. Work out at least 1x per week

2. Create a Will with my Hubby

3. Clean our house every 2 weeks

4. Plan an outing with friends 2x a month - and KEEP those plans

5. Find a full time teaching job

6. Do bills as a team with my husband (as he is the one who is currently doing them)

I think the workout one is the most important. I belong to Jazzercise, I have been a member for a month and a half, but have only gone twice, and that includes my first day. I am going to work to go at least once a week - and also walk on the treadmill or workout here at home. I know it is crazy, but I am having a really hard time getting motivated. I keep thinking that I need to go back to Weight Watchers, but if I keep doing Weight Watchers, then I will only know how to handle my eating by counting my points. I have a big problem with that.

Weight Watchers is a FABULOUS program, and I took part of their program for 2 1/2 years, but it is time for me to figure out how to do stuff on my own, and how to count calories, and figure my workouts into it.

SO. As of tomorrow. I am going to measure and weigh myself again. I will be writing everything down that I put in my mouth, and I will not hide what I am eating.

That is a big problem that I have. I hide my food. I know I am a big girl, and I am ashamed of the way I look and the way that I feel. I will work on changing that, and being good to me. I am starting also by getting massages and going to the chiropractor on a regular basis. I think this is important to me and my body - and my life - and my husband.

I need to love me.

That is a big order to fill. If anyone out there has any ideas on how to love me, please let me know. :) In the meantime - I am working on me, and will see you tomorrow.

Bouncing back

2008-12-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

Ok - So goal #1 of eating two good meals was a no go.... but Goal #2 to survive did happen.

For my log of food I had.....

Hot water with Lemon: 10 cal

Mint Tea: 10 cal

Goldfish Crackers: 350 cal

8 banana small laffy taffys: 250 cal

Mini Twix: 80 Cal - HOLY COW _ How can that have 80 calories in it!!!!!??????

Pasta w. marinara (lunch): 350 cal

1 piece of garlic bread: 100 cal

Take 5 bar: 210 cal

snickers: 266 cal

lays chips: 400 cal

2 servings of cranberry juice: 280

Total for the day...... 2306 calories....

Now... I know I had a bad day with food. A very rough day, but it really hurt to write the things that I actually did eat. The first step for me here is writing the bad stuff that I had.... and counting it in.... Oh wait - I forgot that I had half of a slice of this strange chocolate chip cake/bread..... but I have no idea on how many calories - so we will say about 200. So my new total is 2500.

Tomorrow I will do better and things will go my way. We played on the Wii and I did not play fit. We just played lego star wars and had some fun together. I think with everything my hubby has going on at work, he needs to spend some of that time to kick back and relax at least a tad.

To be honest, I should have worked out at the gym today, but we had so much snow here - it was just crazy, and I didn't feel like risking my life to work out. I am subbing in the morning tomorrow, and then in the afternoon helping my grandmother get her house ready for everyone to come over for Christmas Eve. I honestly don't think it is the best idea for them all to go over there because just today my uncle came home from having a Kidney Transplant - and he really almost needs to be quarantined from the rest of the family that would be driving in and staying at her house... They don't believe in getting hotel rooms I guess. But I understand what it is like not to have the money - I just think some more sympathy for the man should be in order.

I started thinking about reasons that I eat. God knows there are TONS of them - but I think the main reason is a comfort thing, and it is definitely an emotional thing. I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, or just blah. I eat when I have fights, when I am celebrating stuff, and when I am trying to fill a dark hole in my emotions. I think this is the normal way that people get to be my size - not that I am huge, but overweight and obese is more like what I am. No one can say that a 34bmi is skinny by any means.

I am reading a book right now called "Does this Clutter Make me Look Fat?" by Peter Walsh. He is the guy who was on Clean House before Neicie Nash - and he talks about the psychology of people and their clutter at their homes, and how that translates into the way that they eat and how they live their lives... I am really connecting with this book.

So... My goals for tomorrow....

Goal #1 - eat at least 2 good meals - healthy and real.

Goal #2 - Follow the words of the book and select some words of the life that I want to live.

the first day goes out with a wimper...

2008-12-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

So today was going pretty well. I had been weighing and watching what I had been eating... I had been logging my food - AND it is the last day of my Masters classes! So - last day of school, I think I deserve a nice evening, even if my hubby is out at work doing his stuff...

Well - I am putting the final touches on my last paper ever, and he calls me. Honey, you are not going to be happy with me. My heart sinks. Is he ok? Is the car ok? Did he hurt someone? Well, apparently, he made a mistake on something at work, and he is worried now that they are going to fire him for it. This all comes about because he had just gotten off of a "work improvement plan" and one of the mistakes he made was why he was taken off of it. He honestly didn't know that he had done it- putting the wrong paper into the wrong file - but it was not a good mistake to make.

He was apparently called into one of the bosses offices along with a few "higher ups" and they told him that they weren't sure what they were going to do about it. His direct boss believes him that it was a mistake, and the one above him doesn't think it was. So they are either going to put him back on an Improvement plan, write him up, or terminate his employment.

This was really not good - I thought my stress had finally ended, and apparently it hasn't. It would be easy to find ways to cut our budget if we hadn't been living on the skin and bones of the chicken for the past few months. We have been very good about keeping our budget in quickbooks - the problem is staying in it. With the price of gas and groceries, we barely have enough to stay a live and get to where we need to go. I purchase most of my gifts for holidays and bdays during the year - so when it came time to pull stuff out and wrap - my hubby was shocked to see all the stuff that was in the closet - it saved us a bunch on Christmas... but now I wonder what we are going to do. We are already living well beyond our means, and if we loose his job - then neither of us will be working. I am subbing right now until I can find a full time teaching job or even a long term sub job... I am not picky - just need to find someone who will hire me!

So all of this drove me a little bit crazy, and got me to eating the Christmas cookies that were still laying around the house... but I DID count them at least! I kept a tally because if I had to write the words "Cookie" one more time I think my hand was going to fall off.

So here it is... what I ate today:

Hot lemon water:10 cal

Flax pumpkin oatmeal (YUMMY!): 260 cal

1/2 serving of soy milk: 50 cal - should be half but I counted the whole

Guacamole: 95 calories

Chips: 150 cal

Cookies x8: 600 cal

Awesome veggie beet salad: 200 cal

Calories for the day... 1360!!!!!!

I need to eat more during the day - and normally I would have, but I am trying not to eat when I am stressed and upset - and after his phone call I was a little bit of both! That's why it is mainly cookies on the menu today.

My goal for tomorrow - eat at least two good meals - incorporate some more grains or fresh fruits into the day.....

Goal #2 - survive.

A Healthy New Me

2008-12-15T11:29:00.000-08:00

It is interesting - as I sit here, I look at my list of things to do. I am a CONSTANT list maker, and sometimes I have to question myself if it isn't an unhealthy obsession. We are close to the holidays, and I am on my last day of my Masters Degree... so - it looks something like this:

Clean Kitchen

Organize Livingroom

Make Lunches for next few days

Finish Christmas presents

Wrap stuff

Submit final paper

Email to Professor

Workout

Track calories

Update Calendar

Change sheets

Run Laundry

For some people - this would be a huge list, but I am one of those people who break down every little thing. I make lists of the lists that I need to make.

I am also an excessive dieter. As of this morning, my Wii Fit told me that my BMI is 34.13, and that I weigh 180.8 lbs... which is total bull... I feel like I weigh 200. We bought this thing thinking that I could ditch my membership at the gym and I would get a rockin work out from home, but that didn't work out as well as I had hoped.

I am 5'1, a little round for what I should be, and according to the GODS of Nintendo... I am OBESE. Screw them. I am me - I am blonde, I am fun, I am overweight, and I do recognize that I need to loose weight. I am a 27 year old who has had blood pressure issues for the past 5 years, so yes Virginia, I know I need to loose weight!

I mentioned my list because I have noticed where my weight stuff falls - always at the end of the list, the bottom of the pile. When I get to it, that is great! When I don't, oh well - it was at the end! So I am going to make a switch. I have been in swim classes, Pilate's, yoga, Weight Watchers (of which I had some success on, but the minute I tried to do it on my own gained ALL the weight back and then some.) So I am going to start by writing what I eat - and telling anyone who is out there in cyberspace the new things that I have learned.

I have read a bunch of great weight loss books that got me motivated when I needed them to - and I am continuing to read. Those are some things I will share with you during this blog. And who knows - maybe some recipes and other awesome things will be shared from here too!

Everyone needs a little help sometimes - and my body tells me that the whole village needs to help!