Bouncing back

Ok - So goal #1 of eating two good meals was a no go.... but Goal #2 to survive did happen.

For my log of food I had.....

Hot water with Lemon: 10 cal

Mint Tea: 10 cal

Goldfish Crackers: 350 cal

8 banana small laffy taffys: 250 cal

Mini Twix: 80 Cal - HOLY COW _ How can that have 80 calories in it!!!!!??????

Pasta w. marinara (lunch): 350 cal

1 piece of garlic bread: 100 cal

Take 5 bar: 210 cal

snickers: 266 cal

lays chips: 400 cal

2 servings of cranberry juice: 280

Total for the day...... 2306 calories....

Now... I know I had a bad day with food. A very rough day, but it really hurt to write the things that I actually did eat.  The first step for me here is writing the bad stuff that I had.... and counting it in.... Oh wait - I forgot that I had half of a slice of this strange chocolate chip cake/bread..... but I have no idea on how many calories - so we will say about 200.  So my new total is 2500.

Tomorrow I will do better and things will go my way.  We played on the Wii and I did not play fit.  We just played lego star wars and had some fun together.  I think with everything my hubby has going on at work, he needs to spend some of that time to kick back and relax at least a tad.  

To be honest, I should have worked out at the gym today, but we had so much snow here - it was just crazy, and I didn't feel like risking my life to work out.  I am subbing in the morning tomorrow, and then in the afternoon helping my grandmother get her house ready for everyone to come over for Christmas Eve.  I honestly don't think it is the best idea for them all to go over there because just today my uncle came home from having a Kidney Transplant - and he really almost needs to be quarantined from the rest of the family that would be driving in and staying at her house... They don't believe in getting hotel rooms I guess.  But I understand what it is like not to have the money - I just think some more sympathy for the man should be in order.

I started thinking about reasons that I eat.  God knows there are TONS of them - but I think the main reason is a comfort thing, and it is definitely an emotional thing.  I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, or just blah.  I eat when I have fights, when I am celebrating stuff, and when I am trying to fill a dark hole in my emotions.  I think this is the normal way that people get to be my size - not that I am huge, but overweight and obese is more like what I am.  No one can say that a 34bmi is skinny by any means.  

I am reading a book right now called "Does this Clutter Make me Look Fat?" by Peter Walsh.  He is the guy who was on Clean House before Neicie Nash - and he talks about the psychology of people and their clutter at their homes, and how that translates into the way that they eat and how they live their lives... I am really connecting with this book.

So... My goals for tomorrow....

Goal #1 - eat at least 2 good meals - healthy and real.

Goal #2 - Follow the words of the book and select some words of the life that I want to live.

the first day goes out with a wimper...

So today was going pretty well.  I had been weighing and watching what I had been eating... I had been logging my food - AND it is the last day of my Masters classes!  So - last day of school, I think I deserve a nice evening, even if my hubby is out at work doing his stuff...

Well - I am putting the final touches on my last paper ever, and he calls me.  Honey, you are not going to be happy with me.  My heart sinks.  Is he ok?  Is the car ok?  Did he hurt someone?  Well, apparently, he made a mistake on something at work, and he is worried now that they are going to fire him for it.  This all comes about because he had just gotten off of a "work improvement plan" and one of the mistakes he made was why he was taken off of it.  He honestly didn't know that he had done it- putting the wrong paper into the wrong file - but it was not a good mistake to make.  

He was apparently called into one of the bosses offices along with a few "higher ups" and they told him that they weren't sure what they were going to do about it.  His direct boss believes him that it was a mistake, and the one above him doesn't think it was.  So they are either going to put him back on an Improvement plan, write him up, or terminate his employment. 

This was really not good - I thought my stress had finally ended, and apparently it hasn't.  It would be easy to find ways to cut our budget if we hadn't been living on the skin and bones of the chicken for the past few months.  We have been very good about keeping our budget in quickbooks - the problem is staying in it.  With the price of gas and groceries, we barely have enough to stay a live and get to where we need to go.  I purchase most of my gifts for holidays and bdays during the year - so when it came time to pull stuff out and wrap - my hubby was shocked to see all the stuff that was in the closet - it saved us a bunch on Christmas... but now I wonder what we are going to do.  We are already living well beyond our means, and if we loose his job - then neither of us will be working.  I am subbing right now until I can find a full time teaching job or even a long term sub job... I am not picky - just need to find someone who will hire me!

So all of this drove me a little bit crazy, and got me to eating the Christmas cookies that were still laying around the house... but I DID count them at least!  I kept a tally because if I had to write the words "Cookie" one more time I think my hand was going to fall off.

So here it is... what I ate today:

Hot lemon water:10 cal

Flax pumpkin oatmeal (YUMMY!): 260 cal

1/2 serving of soy milk: 50 cal - should be half but I counted the whole

Guacamole: 95 calories

Chips: 150 cal

Cookies x8: 600 cal

Awesome veggie beet salad: 200 cal

Calories for the day... 1360!!!!!!

I need to eat more during the day - and normally I would have, but I am trying not to eat when I am stressed and upset - and after his phone call I was a little bit of both!  That's why it is mainly cookies on the menu today.

My goal for tomorrow - eat at least two good meals - incorporate some more grains or fresh fruits into the day.....

Goal #2 - survive.

A Healthy New Me

It is interesting - as I sit here, I look at my list of things to do.  I am a CONSTANT list maker, and sometimes I have to question myself if it isn't an unhealthy obsession. We are close to the holidays, and I am on my last day of my Masters Degree... so - it looks something like this:

Clean Kitchen

Organize Livingroom

Make Lunches for next few days

Finish Christmas presents

Wrap stuff

Submit final paper

Email to Professor

Workout

Track calories

Update Calendar

Change sheets

Run Laundry

For some people - this would be a huge list, but I am one of those people who break down every little thing.  I make lists of the lists that I need to make.

I am also an excessive dieter.  As of this morning, my Wii Fit told me that my BMI is 34.13, and that I weigh 180.8 lbs... which is total bull... I feel like I weigh 200.  We bought this thing thinking that I could ditch my membership at the gym and I would get a rockin work out from home, but that didn't work out as well as I had hoped.

I am 5'1, a little round for what I should be, and according to the GODS of Nintendo... I am OBESE.  Screw them.  I am me - I am blonde, I am fun, I am overweight, and I do recognize that I need to loose weight.  I am a 27 year old who has had blood pressure issues for the past 5 years, so yes Virginia, I know I need to loose weight!

I mentioned my list because I have noticed where my weight stuff falls - always at the end of the list, the bottom of the pile.  When I get to it, that is great!  When I don't, oh well - it was at the end!  So I am going to make a switch.  I have been in swim classes, Pilate's, yoga, Weight Watchers (of which I had some success on, but the minute I tried to do it on my own gained ALL the weight back and then some.)  So I am going to start by writing what I eat - and telling anyone who is out there in cyberspace the new things that I have learned.

I have read a bunch of great weight loss books that got me motivated when I needed them to - and I am continuing to read.  Those are some things I will share with you during this blog.  And who knows - maybe some recipes and other awesome things will be shared from here too!  

Everyone needs a little help sometimes - and my body tells me that the whole village needs to help!